From Arjuna to Accreditation: How Guru Dronacharya Failed the NET and Lost to NAAC

In an unexpected twist of fate and technology, Guru Dronacharya — a legend of Mahabharata fame, the mentor of Arjuna and Duryodhana — found himself in the year 2024.

Courtesy of a malfunctioning celestial time machine (thanks, Vishwakarma), the maestro of archery landed outside Mumbai University, armed with nothing but his unparalleled teaching skills and a deep sense of confusion.

The Accreditation Ordeal

“Guruji, you need to clear NET,” the officer at the AICTE office said, leaning back on his chair while sipping tea.

“NET? What is this? Some form of divine net for enlightenment?” asked a perplexed Drona, clutching his bow instinctively.

“No, Guruji. It’s the National Eligibility Test. Without it, you’re not qualified to teach. And since you don’t have a PhD, your ashram doesn’t qualify for NIRF ranking either,” the officer replied, barely concealing his exasperation.

“But I trained Arjuna, the world’s greatest archer! He could hit the eye of a moving bird!” protested Drona.

“Arjuna doesn’t count as a measurable learning outcome under NAAC’s assessment criteria. Where is your documented proof of student progression? Did Arjuna present a UGC-approved research paper on the dynamics of bowstring tension?” the officer quipped with a bureaucratic smirk.

The Fall of the Ashram

Despite his protests, Guru Dronacharya’s ashram was shut down. The AICTE deemed it unfit for modern educational standards. The rustic gurukul, with its emphasis on personalized mentorship and skill-building, couldn’t compete with today’s metrics-driven approach.

Gone were the days of teaching virtues, focus, and mastery. Now it was all about uploading lectures to Learning Management Systems, quantifying attendance, and preparing students for standardized tests.

His students’ achievements in diplomacy, warfare, and governance were dismissed as “unquantifiable.” Without citations, patents, or journal publications, his legacy as a teacher was deemed irrelevant.

Mumbai University: The Queue of Dreams

Desperate to regain his stature, Guru Drona joined the PET (PhD Entrance Test) queue at Mumbai University’s Fort campus. He stood amidst a sea of hopefuls, clutching an application form and a borrowed pen.

“Why is it so crowded?” he asked a fellow aspirant.

“Well, Guruji,” replied a weary young man, “most of us here already have NET or PhD qualifications. But permanent jobs are scarce. Universities prefer hiring us as ad hoc lecturers on contracts, paying us a fraction of the 7th Pay Commission. Private colleges exploit us, making us teach four times the workload for peanuts. But still, we stand in hope.”

Guruji was stunned. In his time, teaching was a noble calling, one that earned respect and dignity. But now, teachers were scrambling for survival, their credentials meaningless in a system designed to exploit them.

The Harsh Reality: A Fish Climbing Trees

As Guruji scrolled through reports on education (yes, he had to learn that too), his dismay grew. Over 1.5 million teachers in India had cleared NET or held PhDs, yet many remained unemployed or underemployed. While elite private colleges built palatial campuses and collected exorbitant fees, their faculty worked on insecure contracts, denied the basic benefits of permanent employment.

Public universities, strapped for funds, recruited fewer permanent teachers each year, and teachers even in private institutions often waited years for overdue salaries or promotions. With such systemic neglect, it was no surprise that not a single Indian university ranked in the top 100 globally.

Despite the lofty rhetoric of reforms and “world-class education,” the ground reality was grim. Dronacharya’s plight was symbolic of a larger malaise — where the teaching profession, once the backbone of a nation’s development, had been reduced to a series of bureaucratic checkboxes and exploitative contracts.

The Final Arrow: A Cry for Change

Sitting under a tree on campus, much like his days in the forest, Dronacharya reflected:

“How ironic. They judged me not for my teaching but for my paperwork. They measured my worth not by the lives I shaped, but by citations and compliance. They judged Arjuna not for his skill but for his ability to fill forms. How far this system has fallen!”

The plight of India’s teachers mirrors this tragic irony. According to recent data:

• Over 1.5 million qualified teachers in India remain unemployed or underemployed.
• Ad hoc lecturers, who constitute a significant portion of faculty, earn as little as ₹15,000-₹30,000 per month, often juggling multiple jobs to survive.
• The implementation of the 7th Pay Commission remains inconsistent, with many teachers in private institutions earning far below the recommended scales.
• India spends less than 3% of its GDP on education, far below the global average of 4–6%, crippling institutions and demoralizing teachers.
• No Indian university ranks in the top 100 globally, a stark indicator of systemic neglect.

The system has reduced teachers to mere cogs in a machine driven by metrics, rankings, and profits.

The creative brilliance of an Arjuna, the diplomatic acumen of a Yudhishthira, or the strategic genius of a Duryodhana cannot be nurtured in an environment obsessed with bureaucratic compliance over actual learning.

(Note: this blog is a satirical perspective and does not intend to harm anyone’s sentiments, irrespective of India’s global ranking on freedom of speech index — which is also poor!)