It is fine to normalize anuptaphile

What is not fine is to validate our feelings for someone, for the sake of it.

3 min readJun 21, 2022


Oh, dear! We live in a ‘culture’ where we are told to seek ‘social validation’ for our own feelings for someone. Yes, we give in to this ‘peer pressure’ and this is only to realize that we have made a mistake already. I know a friend who was not ready for marriage, despite being conscious of lack-of-self-love, who eventually had a tough time divorcing her toxic partner.

No doubt we live in a society that normalizes the marriage system, as if it’s the only destination to prove our position, without letting individuals do their autopoiesis in love and romance. I am not scorning the marriage system, which — with all due respect — is a socio-legal system of sexual contract, but one must not condemn the system of anuptaphilian either.

Anuptaphile is a philosophy of living single. Of course, it does not validate and mandate the idea of loving someone else. Truly, self-love is the only love that matters. Now, imagine loving someone else without self-love? It’s impossible; ironical.

Self-love, or being an anuptaphile is intersectional, in my experience. In the past, I lacked this trait. Thanks to the systemic damage done by the Bollywood romantic films, parenting, and social standards. I don’t culminate anuptaphile is a qualification of narcissistic tendencies, although extra care needs to be taken care here when defining the boundaries between self-love and narcissism.

Being single has helped me wonder in my own self. We’re so programmed to socialize, that we miss out on the most important person in the end (i.e. self). Had it not been for anuptaphilianism for me, I don’t know if I had been struggling between wanting love and seeking love. Well, it’s normal and also humane to love and be loved but it does not mean one should beg for love. Begging for love does not only cancel self-respect but it also keeps us gaslighted.

On the other hand, a general misconception is that anuptaphile means loneliness.

No, not at all. Being in a state of solitude-ness does not equate to being lonely. Solitude-ness is when you accept yourself the way you are and love your own flaws, by loving yourself, traveling alone, exploring your own mind and heart, and self-dating. Whereas, loneliness is totally opposite of all this. You can still be lonely when surrounded by many people. Therefore, it is ok to be alone but what is not ok to be in a place where you have to constantly seek validation from others for self-love.

So, tell me, when was the last time you thanked yourself, your hands, your legs, your eyes, your mouth, your stomach, and your butt for being so loving and supportive hitherto?




A libertarian professor based in Mumbai, youtubing at times, and reading books all-the-time. I write too. Dhamma practitioner.