There is no doubt that Bollywood has jaded the concept of love. Love today is inconspicuous consumerism lamented with obsession, compulsion, materialist-ism and normalization of marital rape. The concept of love has become so perplexing and bemusing that many seem to misconstrue love as an economic transaction or a sexual contract in which the masculine is entitled to power.
Love, the feeling we develop and the mechanism we use to socialize with the people we eventually choose to dwell with, is a necessity without which life is banal. In theory, it is intended to be objective but our neurological traits often inure our love with selective bias, social conventions, cultural conditions and gender inequity. That’s probably why we see more hate than love in our community spaces.
Somewhere parenting patterns hold the first onus on discouraging children from loving unconditionally. Our understanding of love is a projection of our parents prejudices that in turn can lead to inherent caste-ism, class warfare, homophobia, and bigotry. The accepted version of ‘love’ we learn to practice is limited by conventional social rules, sexual orientation and caste.
It comes as no surprise then that India’s so-called pluralism with its myriad traditions and customs is deceptive. Statistics tell a different story: Exogamy or inter-caste marriages have remained unchanged in the last 40 years and are at a mere six percent of overall marriages. Hate crime is on an alarming rise. Of the 218 cases of the reported hate crime in 2018, 142 were against Dalits, 50 against Muslims, and eight against Christians, Adivasis, and transgender persons. Uttar Pradesh and other North Indian regional states top in the chart on communal clashes, honor killing, anti-beef and sexual violence.
How is it that, the land where Kamasutra originated does not talk about sex, sexuality and love openly? Word has it that the commencement of Indian Penal Code in 1860 is when it all changed. Despite patriarchy and endogamy, Indian’s did not shy away from discoursing topics like Kamasutra and consensual relationships.
Fast forward to today, new-age dating apps, the gender movements and policy conversations may have given a select few urbanites the freedom to undo the conventional understanding of love but the majority do not have that privilege and shows like ‘Indian Matchmaking’ is testimony to this.
